Living with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

I can tell you from personal experience what it feels like to be Living with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Simple interactions can turn into hurtful moments. It does feel like a punch in the stomach! Also, once you are aware you can’t really avoid feeling shame. You realize you are overreacting while trying to manage your hurt feelings.

Day to day with RSD

Well, I live in fear plain and simple. Fear of being rejected or criticized. The feelings are very strong, and it drives me into a spiral of negative thoughts. Why are people rejecting me? Am I not worthy? What did I do wrong? I get so anxious it drives me to eat to suppress the emotions for a little while. It is a very destructive pattern! For us Living with RSD, a day will be filled with a wide range of reactions, including:

• High Levels of Anxiety: especially when we perceive or anticipate rejection or criticism. You will likely start sweating, shaking, or a racing heartbeat (or all at once!).
• Rage or Anger: you will feel either angry and resentful towards the person or people who rejected or criticized you. Also yourself for not being able to control and handle the perceived rejection better.
• HIde or Isolate: you will find the need to remove yourself from situations that will drive this intense feelings. Also, with this you will also feel lonely. I personally feel many times “non suitable” for human interactions.
• Self-doubt: you might feel you are not good enough and the pressure to be better to avoid the rejection. This is also a very poisonous cycle as you will never be able to satisfy everyone.
• Shame: once you react and spill your feelings in a toxic reaction you will feel ashamed. You probably will wonder why are you so weak that you can’t control how you react.
• Physical symptoms: in my case this situation triggers my vestibular migraine symptoms. Others may experience stomach aches, fatigue, or changes in appetite or sleep patterns.

Relationships Impact

In simple terms, it’s tough to maintain relationships. If I open up to someone that ends up, in my mind, rejecting me I not only feel worthless but I develop a very intense feeling towards that person. I either try to remove them from my life or ignore them if I have no control over the interactions. It is a self protection mechanism. If I reject them first then I put myself in a safe position, that way I can’t be hurt.

You will likely find yourself experiencing the following:

• Difficulty trusting others: you will probably have a hard time trusting others and may be prone to misinterpret their actions or words.
• Difficulty setting boundaries: it will be hard to define how to manage a relationship. Too close lives you exposed and too far will live you feeling lonely most of the time.
• Difficulty with communication: this is probably the one I struggle the most with. It is increasingly hard to identify when I am imagining a rejection. Which makes it very scary to disclose your thoughts, needs and feelings. I have an extreme difficulty being vulnerable and sharing my thoughts gives me a sense of panic. How will I be judge? Are people going to think I am crazy? I have been accused of being paranoid once, it was truly hurtful.
• Constant worry: without exaggerating, pretty much every day every minute. When are people going to reject me is the song I have playing in my head every day.

Despite the challenges that come with RSD, I have learned to find ways to cope with the condition. You can read some of them in my previous post.

I have also found that being a part of the RSD community and connecting with others who understand what I am going through can be incredibly helpful. You can join a Facebook group to share your experience and learn more from others. There are many groups, browse them and find one that fits you!